See How They Grow.

It’s amazing to watch my children’s personalities develop.  It’s so fun to begin having insight as to who they might grow up to be.  Their interests, their passions, what makes them tick, what makes them laugh.  Each of my children is so individual, other than their shared appreciation for fart humor.  Although, I attribute this mostly to Drew convincing the other two from birth that this is a timeless classic.  He got them young and impressionable, so…  This wealth of knowledge really all leads back to Jason in the end.  I grew up in a household that had zero tolerance for fart humor.  Any type of tasteless humor downright infuriated my dainty, southern bell mother.  Farts weren’t funny.  She made that clear.  She particularly hated the word “poot”.  My friend Crysta once joked that we were “the fartless family” and we were.  Jason, however, grew up with two brothers and farts were a free and an endless source of laughs.  I’ve tolerated it being passed onto my children and even caught myself laughing at their disgusting antics once or twice but they didn’t get it from me.  (I seem to have gotten off track about farting here somewhere…..)

Back to their personalities:  It has always been assumed that since Drew physically resembles Jason in every conceivable way, his personality would be just like Jason’s also.  I admit, I just figured as much, as well.  Up until recently, it’s been a safe assumption because I hadn’t really been proven otherwise.  Jason wasn’t much of an outdoor kid.  He’s red headed and pale so sun is his enemy.  I was outdoorsy and would get frustrated when getting him outside was like pulling teeth.  I always thought he was being a bit dramatic when he acted like he would have some sort of vampire-like reaction to the sun.  That is, until I saw him get 2^nd degree burns through three applications of the highest SPF on the market.  Jason was a much more video game kind of kid and Drew seemed to have followed suit on this.  Drew switched from junior high to his new high school this year and we’re really starting to see him come alive.  Not that he’s been a hollow shell up until now, but he just hasn’t shown much interest in anything.  I would try to pry out of him how his day went after school and I was usually only given shrugs and “oh, ya know”.  This new school has sparked change and I’m thrilled.  Drew joined theater and in this particular school, groups other than sports are just as equally funded and appreciated.  Let the artsy fartsy kids rejoice and say AMEN! 
Drew comes home every day with detailed accounts of what happened in theater that day.  He tells me about the exercises they did and even how he felt while doing them.  It seems his greatest strength is improvisation.  Drew has always been a fan of “the zinger”, the final word, “the BA DUM TSS”.  His face lights up and I can see the passion budding there.  He comes by it honest, it’s in his blood.   I’ve just been taken aback to see my DNA in there.  I just assumed he was all Jason and I was nowhere to be found.
Jason has always shared his work with Drew and assumed he would be taken with it.  It is amazing and I think it would impress almost any kid.  What, with lasers shooting out of a box that can model anything into a 3D image.  Drew would feign interest but I could always see the faint *yawn* just below the surface.  Jason has accepted that Drew might not be our engineer, but instead might be our actor and he’s done it with grace.  He has even looked up which theater performances he thinks would be cool to take Drew to see.  I asked Jason if it bothered him that Drew wasn’t going to follow him into his field and he said, “No.  I’m just glad he’s into something.”  I can’t wait to watch Drew perform.  I will cry before he utters his first line.  I’m so elated to watch him flourishing.  He’s discovering who is and sometimes who you are isn’t who anyone expected.  But it’s who he is -- not me and not Jason.  HIM.  But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that seeing traces of myself in there haven’t pleased me to no end.  ‘Cause…  I think I’m cool and I think I brought a lot of good stuff to the table, too ;) 

Lily is my artist.  I’ve posted some of her work and it’s only getting better.  I haven’t had a dining room in years because it is now Lily’s studio.  She will sit for hours on end drawing and painting.  She discovered how to use YouTube a long time ago to perfect her craft.  There are videos available of people sketching and she would sit with a piece of paper and a drawing utensil and she would pause and rewind the video to perfect her image and learn techniques.  This would go on for a long time until she was satisfied.  My brother texted me to talk about Lily’s artistic skills and how this is something you are born with.  I agree 100%.  I don’t draw, I don’t paint and neither does Jason.  Jason’s sister has always been a talented artist so I assume this is where it came from.  Before Lily ever picked up a pencil, I had no idea this unique and precious gift was within her.  It is effortless for her.  I’ve been so impressed to watch her hone this skill and I can’t wait to see where it takes her.

Lily has a strong desire to be a wife and mother and she’s very vocal about it.  I guess that’s a good sign that I haven’t ruined it for her because she’s seen my job and would still like a part of that for herself someday.  I guess I’ve done something right there.  Most women have it engrained so deep in us to reproduce.  Its animal, I don’t know how else to put it.  Ladies, remember when you were little and an adult woman you knew would have a baby and all you wanted to do was hold it?  Remember how you would think about how you couldn’t wait to have one of your own?  Ahh…  To be grown, to be a mom, to be a wife – it’s instinctive and my how we romanticize it.  We just see soft baby features and squeezable little bodies.  The thought of a lifetime of bags under your eyes and Cherrios in your hair just doesn’t compute.

Lily starts a lot of her sentences with, “When I’m a mom”.  I don’t cringe when she says this.  I want her to have these experiences because, yes, I someday want grandbabies.  I also want her to approach it slowly and later.  I don’t want her to be in a rush for it.  I want her to live her life first.  I want her to go to college.  I want her to be independent.  I want her to travel.  I think she’s brilliant and I want her to use it and go where ever it takes her. The knowledge that this gift can take her places has set in for her and me, both.  She loves the beach and has made it clear to me, when she is grown, she will live by the beach.  I told her that’s wonderful and I would love to live by the beach, too.  She said, “Can I live anywhere I want?”  I told her she can go anywhere in the world she wants to go with the right education, dedication, and skillset.  She told me she will live by the beach and I can come live with her if I want.  I told her I can’t come live with her because I belong here with daddy.  I explained that when she’s old enough, it’s time to flee the nest.  It’s time to fly.  I love her enough to let her soar and I think she will.  She asked, “So it’s okay if I live far away from you and daddy?”  My answer is yes because I would never use fear or guilt to keep her under my thumb because I feel safer that way.  That’s selfish.  I fantasize about her living boho chic on the beach somewhere with a studio loft and a free spirit.  I told her that no matter where she goes, I will always visit and be there for every gallery exhibition.  She and her brother will be required to come home on holidays, no exceptions.  I look forward to seeing them grown and watching my family expand; to start a whole new set of traditions when I’m the matriarch.  I hope I can look across a crowded room at what Jason and I created and see a legacy I can feel proud to leave behind.  I hope I will have nurtured who THEY want to be, not who I wanted them to be.

Now onto my Reid.  My baby.  My “Pootie”.  What can I say?  The kid’s got panache.  He’s also the kid that is going to put me in an early grave.  He’s the child that causes everyone in the house to have to go bed an hour early some nights.  It’s like the Army when they punish the whole platoon for one soldier’s actions.  He has the face of an angel and it’s a good thing.  He has challenged me and tested me more than his brother and sister ever thought about.  What’s interesting is, he is also my most physically affectionate child.  He will make me as mad as a hornet and then come lay on me, kiss me, and say, “Mom, I love you so much”.  He makes me crazy but I’m also such a sucker for him that it’s embarrassing.  He is the kind of kid that will come downstairs and say, “You okay, mom?”  I’ll say, “Yes, why?”  He’ll respond with, “Just checking on you.”  That makes every fit he threw prior fade away.  His face and smile get into my soul.  He’s loud, he’s hysterical, he’s whiny, he’s demanding, he spoiled rotten, he’s stubborn, he’s the life of the party and I don’t think I truly earned my mom stripes until he came along.   I grew a 3^rd eye in the back of my head after he was born.  I’m a pro because Reid upped the stakes of the game.  Women adore him.  His flirty blue eyes have brought women across crowded stores to come acknowledge him.  He flirts.  He knows how to work people.  They will pet his cheeks and he just beams.  When Drew was young, he was secretive and embarrassed of his crushes on girls and didn’t want to talk about it.  Reid will tell me the girls he thinks are beautiful.  I think he will be a lady killer.  I’m not really sure what he’s “into” or what his talents are just yet.  It’s still too early to tell.  Maybe his talent will be that wherever he goes, the party is sure to follow.  People love him.  For some reason, I just don’t worry about him.  I think he’ll be fine in life because his personality just lends itself to that.  I think we’ll have a close relationship as he ages, if he doesn’t run me off into the trees to live as a bush woman first.  I wait with baited breath to watch him evolve.  I think he’s a character and I think the world will, too.

I foresee a lot of performing and visual arts school in our future.  I don’t think Jason ever saw that coming, lol.  I love it!  These three lives are all mine to nourish and grow.  I can’t control who they will grow into but I do my best to take their attributes and encourage and guide them.  They’re all so cool in their own little ways.  For now, they are all mine but the time will come when I will have to set all three of them free.  I hope they will always want to come back from time to time.  I hope they will always feel like I did my best.  I hope they will always feel like I loved, encouraged and supported them.  Also, I hope they appreciate that I put up with their farts.  Go well, my children.  Fly.